← Relationship Diversity
There are far more ways to be in a relationship than most of us were ever shown. These are some of the words people use. They can help you describe what you want and find others who live the same way, but plenty of relationships sit somewhere between them, or move around over time. If none of them fits, that’s fine too.
- Relationship diversity
- My umbrella term for all of it: the idea that there’s no single right way to relate, and that every shape deserves the same respect.
- Monogamy
- Two people agree to be romantically and sexually exclusive with each other. When it’s chosen consciously, it’s as full of possibility as anything else here.
- Ethical non-monogamy (ENM)
- An umbrella term, sometimes called consensual non-monogamy, for any relationship where everyone involved has agreed that exclusivity isn’t the rule. Honesty and consent are what make it ethical.
- Open relationships
- Usually a couple who agree that one or both of them can have sexual, and sometimes romantic, connections with other people, while their relationship stays at the centre.
- Polyamory
- Having, or being open to, more than one loving relationship at a time, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
- Hierarchical and non-hierarchical
- In hierarchical polyamory some relationships take priority, often described as primary and secondary partners. Non-hierarchical polyamory avoids ranking relationships in advance, and lets each one find its own place.
- Kitchen-table polyamory
- Everyone knows each other and would be happy sitting round the same kitchen table, even if they aren’t all involved with one another.
- Parallel polyamory
- Partners know about each other but keep their relationships largely separate, and don’t necessarily meet.
- Polycule
- The network of people connected through their relationships: your partners, their partners, and so on.
- Solo polyamory
- Being polyamorous without a nesting or primary partner. Solo poly people often don’t live with or merge their lives with partners, and treat their own autonomy as central.
- Relationship anarchy
- Letting go of preset rules and rankings altogether. Each relationship, whether romantic, sexual or a friendship, is shaped by the people in it rather than by what it’s supposed to look like.
- Monogamish
- Mostly monogamous, with some agreed flexibility, such as the occasional outside connection.
- Swinging
- Usually couples who are emotionally committed to each other and have sex with other people, often together or at social events.
- Living apart together
- A committed relationship where partners choose to keep their own homes.
- Queerplatonic partnerships
- Deeply committed relationships that aren’t romantic in the usual sense, but go well beyond what most people mean by friendship.
- Asexual and aromantic relationships
- Relationships involving people who experience little or no sexual attraction (asexual) or romantic attraction (aromantic). They can be every bit as close and committed as any other kind.
- Something you’re still making up as you go
- Many of the most interesting relationships don’t have a name yet, and that’s allowed.
If you’d like to talk about which of these feels like yours, or none of them.
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